To panic or not to panic

[schneefink]

In the next three weeks I have to do three presentations, three papers, and one exam, not to mention all the homework. I have barely started most of it. This weekend I'm away with friends, next Saturday I'm debating in Budapest, and we have a choir concert somewhere there in the middle. I'm constantly switching between being grateful that I'm not panicking and worried why I'm not, except during the times when I am panicking and reading fic to distract myself because I am stupid and have no self-control. It's good that I'm not in depressed mode yet, I guess, only I wonder if I'd manage to study more if I were, because I never get things done without pressure. Maybe it's because I'm making an effort to have some time to myself in which I don't worry about university (the weekend with friends in an alpine hut, watching Doctor Who with friends, debating), but it can't be too much time because I need it for studying. I need good grades, because I could really use the money from the merit scholarship, and I already did worse than expected in two exams :(
And as if I needed more writing to do, my sga_genficathon fic isn't even close to being finished and is being very stubborn.

So if I'm not around much in the next few weeks, that's why. (That would be the best case scenario. Worst case, I'm online as much as always and don't finish stuff for university and get into another of my "you can never do anything right" cycles, which I really really want to avoid.)

In other news, I'll be in London for a week in July! There's a debate tournament and A. from our club persuaded me. Of course that was before I found out that the Olympics will be in London and the city will probably be crowded, but whatever. (Traveling, another reason why I could use that scholarship.)

Comments

[rainsometimes]

Sounds like a heady schedule, to say the least! And I know that feeling well. For me at least it tends to be like this: On the one hand, not panicking feels good because you know that simply panicking on its own doesn't make anything better, it just gives you an upset stomach and higher blood pressure... But on the other hand, there's that nagging thought that maybe a little bit of panic would be just the extra pressure you need to buckle down and study harder. So you want the panic in order to feel safer.

Wishing you the best of luck with being able to get into the right mood for these challenges! \o/

[schneefink]

Yep, exactly like that! Thanks :)