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schneefinkToday was another reminder that real life/traditional media doesn't have warnings and that means I need to be especially careful and take care of myself. I didn't and spent about twenty minutes sobbing after watching a play tonight.
More details: Two weeks ago my mom asked me to go see a theater play with her and I agreed to make her happy. I didn't pay much attention to which play she wanted to see, which was stupid: it turned out to be an adaption of "The House of Spirits" by Isabel Allende, a family drama taking place in Chile before and during the PInochet coup. I read the book years ago and remembered that there was a torture scene that made me uncomfortable near the end, but I thought it would be fine.
I haven't gone to see a play in theater in months, and I almost forgot how great it can be. It's more immediate, nearer than movies are. It was a very good version, both the directing and the actors were very good.
However that also meant that all the brutality in the play came across very well. The first act had several unpleasant elements, including mentions of repeated rape. I remembered that a torture scene was coming and thought about leaving, but I thought I'd be okay.
And then the torture scene started (well first it started with child molestation that then segued into torture and rape) and I found out I was definitely not okay. I spent large parts of the second act with my head on my knees and my hands on my ears. (My mom sat in front of me so she didn't notice.) I thought about leaving, but my seat was near the wall and several people would have needed to get up, so I didn't. I tried watching again when the torture scene was over, but then there was the abortion and the coup and the narration of Jaime's death and it was just so much, and then there's this broken confused lonely old figure of Esteban in the end who finally realizes that something went wrong but only in how it was done and only because it happened to his own granddaughter and I hated him, and these things really happened to people. Many people. For years. Fuck our world sucks sometimes.
I was so glad when the play was over, I only waited for one round of applause then I ran out of the auditorium and started sobbing against a wall in the foyer. I don't know how long I cried, maybe twenty minutes? It seemed really long, for some reason I couldn't stop, and even the ushers became concerned. My mom eventually found me and wanted to know what's wrong. I couldn't really explain it except that the torture scenes hit me really bad. I wish I left during the play. Heck I wish I hadn't gone to see it in the first place. No more theater plays for me without careful checks before of what exactly is in there.
Then I called LK and asked him to distract me, so we talked about Vorlons and about how it works when they divide their consciousness into parts. How aware are these parts of each other? what happens when they're combined again? Is the split always in halves, and how many parts can there be? Is one of these parts always, or usually, in the ship, is that why their ships are alive and so closely connected to them? So what determines what kind of ship they "bond" to, and how scary are Vorlons who are part of Planetkillers? When Vorlons hitch rides with other people, do they just passively see or can they talk with or even influence that person? Lyta said she was modified by the Vorlons so they can use her for this purpose more easily, creepy. Only speculation, but it worked very well as a distraction.
And then for some reason I wanted to remind myself again of what happened and write it all down. Brains are funny. I also ate a few pralines, when if not on such occasions.
Tomorrow I visit my future flat again! To take measurements and to show it to DD, who's considering moving in with me in the spring :) We also agreed to go see Jupiter Ascending on Tuesday, I'm looking forward to it.
More details: Two weeks ago my mom asked me to go see a theater play with her and I agreed to make her happy. I didn't pay much attention to which play she wanted to see, which was stupid: it turned out to be an adaption of "The House of Spirits" by Isabel Allende, a family drama taking place in Chile before and during the PInochet coup. I read the book years ago and remembered that there was a torture scene that made me uncomfortable near the end, but I thought it would be fine.
I haven't gone to see a play in theater in months, and I almost forgot how great it can be. It's more immediate, nearer than movies are. It was a very good version, both the directing and the actors were very good.
However that also meant that all the brutality in the play came across very well. The first act had several unpleasant elements, including mentions of repeated rape. I remembered that a torture scene was coming and thought about leaving, but I thought I'd be okay.
And then the torture scene started (well first it started with child molestation that then segued into torture and rape) and I found out I was definitely not okay. I spent large parts of the second act with my head on my knees and my hands on my ears. (My mom sat in front of me so she didn't notice.) I thought about leaving, but my seat was near the wall and several people would have needed to get up, so I didn't. I tried watching again when the torture scene was over, but then there was the abortion and the coup and the narration of Jaime's death and it was just so much, and then there's this broken confused lonely old figure of Esteban in the end who finally realizes that something went wrong but only in how it was done and only because it happened to his own granddaughter and I hated him, and these things really happened to people. Many people. For years. Fuck our world sucks sometimes.
I was so glad when the play was over, I only waited for one round of applause then I ran out of the auditorium and started sobbing against a wall in the foyer. I don't know how long I cried, maybe twenty minutes? It seemed really long, for some reason I couldn't stop, and even the ushers became concerned. My mom eventually found me and wanted to know what's wrong. I couldn't really explain it except that the torture scenes hit me really bad. I wish I left during the play. Heck I wish I hadn't gone to see it in the first place. No more theater plays for me without careful checks before of what exactly is in there.
Then I called LK and asked him to distract me, so we talked about Vorlons and about how it works when they divide their consciousness into parts. How aware are these parts of each other? what happens when they're combined again? Is the split always in halves, and how many parts can there be? Is one of these parts always, or usually, in the ship, is that why their ships are alive and so closely connected to them? So what determines what kind of ship they "bond" to, and how scary are Vorlons who are part of Planetkillers? When Vorlons hitch rides with other people, do they just passively see or can they talk with or even influence that person? Lyta said she was modified by the Vorlons so they can use her for this purpose more easily, creepy. Only speculation, but it worked very well as a distraction.
And then for some reason I wanted to remind myself again of what happened and write it all down. Brains are funny. I also ate a few pralines, when if not on such occasions.
Tomorrow I visit my future flat again! To take measurements and to show it to DD, who's considering moving in with me in the spring :) We also agreed to go see Jupiter Ascending on Tuesday, I'm looking forward to it.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 12:22 pm (UTC)Hmmm, interesting Vorlon theories...!
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 08:38 pm (UTC)