I felt like doing nothing today

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Thanks for the comments on my last post about meds and stuff. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist the week after. I was feeling good that week, so we agreed on a compromise: I'd keep with the lower dose of antidepressants over the summer, and I'll contact her again when she comes back from vacation in September to see how I feel and if I've made actual tangible progress with my current "project", i.e. job applications. I still think it was a reasonable idea, I really wanted to see if it would work, but so far… well, a little bit, but not to a degree that I'm satisfied with. It changes from week to week, sometimes pretty drastically, and this week is not one of the better ones, but overall I'm not happy with what I've done. So I'll probably go back to the higher dose.
Or maybe I just have too high expectations again, and I feel down because of a few bad days and I'm tired and it'll be better soon, I don't know. It's really annoying that it fluctuates so much. I really should start keeping better track of how I feel; I finally started today, hopefully I'll remember to do it regularly.

Right now I'm annoyed because next week is choir week and I'm not as excited about it as I want to be. I've already been seven times and it's been fun every time, but even knowing that I'll have a good time there, looking ahead it feels tiring. Ah well, it'll be fine once I'm there. There are tiring elements, but singing! And dancing! And more singing! I'm curious about the program already, I'm sure it'll be interesting. I haven't sung in a choir in months, I miss it.

Comments

[theladyscribe]

Hmm, could it be affecting your hormone levels? I was taking a hormone med for a while but dropped it because it made my period week a nightmare (I'd start crying for no reason whatsoever and be unable to stop).

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Hormones probably do play a part: I've noticed that I feel worse shortly before and during my period (which actually is probably currently a major factor.) And that's roughly a quarter of each month. Hm, I should ask my doctor about this. Annoying.

[alatefeline]

Do awesome things with choir! That sounds like a really cool idea.

Good luck with figuring out your medications and non-meds interventions both. Some kid of easy-to-fill-in mood tracker sounds like it could be a good idea, yeah. I don't have one, but I've found that I can review my own emotions and motivations for actions in my head with high accuracy for up to a week or two after the fact, and that this is NOT typical; I think that in my brain wiring all the "figure out intuitively what OTHER people are feeling" space went to "figure out what I'M thinking and why" instead. I do find data very helpful for spotting trends and tendencies of various sorts, and identifying possible ways to change course.

[schneefink]

That does sound like a useful ability! I often have problems remembering why I was thinking or doing something only hours afterwards. More data will probably help.

[alatefeline]

It comes down to: if you point to a specific event, I pretty much *always* know why I said/did X, and I pretty much *never* know why anyone else did Y. I don't have remotely a good memory overall - I can never find my glasses, I can't recognize faces, and names drop out of my memory as fast as I stuff them in - but I do retain narratives. Which is why I like novels so much, especially ones with unfamiliar-to-me but emotionally complex narrators, and also why I can remember why I did things: because I extensively narrated them to myself in the first place.

I have to record lists of things on paper or digitally to make USE of them though. I can't ever have my to-do list in my head; it refuses to sort itself and gets stuck on whatever I was worried about.

My brain is a weird place. But then, so are all brains once you look around a bit.

[schneefink]

Interesting. Yep, brains are weird stuff...

[beatrice_otter]

Have fun! Hope you get your meds right.

[schneefink]

Thanks :) One day, hopefully soon.