Goldberg, you escape me

[schneefink]

I come from a musical family. My parents met in a choir; mother is a music and piano teacher, my brother plays the violin, so I have home concerts practically each day (except of now, when my brother is in New Zealand.) At home, we have shelves full of CDs with classical music, sorted by musical epoch (?), and by now I can find nearly every composer. (I like classical music, too. It´s not just family obligation.) I myself play the recorder and the guitar and sing. And when I play or sing myself, I don´t notice time passing.
Living in Vienna has the advantage of some of the best concert halls world-wide being just a few minutes away (not to mention the opera house). So, naturally, we go there sometimes.
And I discovered a peculiar thing: When listening to a concert in a concert hall, I always have to keep my eyes open. All the other people do that, too! And it´s fascinating, really, to watch the players and the conductor (and the golden hall) and I can´t get tired of it. However, unfortunately, my eyes can. So I sit in the concert hall and think "well, it´s about the music, right? It shouldn´t be a problem if I close my eyes for a minute or two, just to relax them, I can still listen to the music, after all." No, I do not fall asleep (which is, perhaps, redeeming.) But as soon as I close my eyes, my mind wanders on strange journeys, and then suddenly I remember that perhaps dracula and pirates have nothing to do with Bruckner. I open my eyes again and listen to the music again (instead of just hearing it with maybe 10% of my brain) and feel incredibly guilty for having missed so much.
Sometimes, at home, I put in a classical CD. And it puts me to sleep very well. (It´s also very relaxing during ironing, but then I don´t listen to it much.) But if I try to listen the whole time to the whole piece - I just can´t, I always get distracted, whether I leave my eyes open or close them (well, if I close them, chance is I´m going to fall asleep if I´m at home.)
It bothers me that I can´t just listen to music for a long time. I never thought I´d be that dependent on my eyes. Maybe there´s a way to learn it?, putting mind-wandering off each time for a few minutes more... But it´s so frustrating! Especially in a concert hall when I really want to enjoy the music. This year I have a concert subscription for the Vienna concert hall (actually, in German it´s called simply "Musikverein", = the building of the Music Association. We have an actual "Konzerthaus", = concert house, and I have no idea what that´s called in English) and I´m really looking forward to it, but I also really, really hope that I´ll be able to listen to the music.
As for Goldberg, ever since reading Unidentified and the sequel Coda I wanted to listen to the Goldberg Variations. Hearing it wasn´t so difficult since we had a recording at home, but hearing it in one go? I get that it might need listening to it a couple of times to understand the different patterns, but I can´t even listen to the whole piece. (Symphonies are easier, since they have different parts that can be listened to separately.) I start with the best intentions, one hour cleared, comfortably (but not too comfortably) sitting there, it starts, and after half an hour or something I wake up mentally and discover that I´ve gone wandering again. I haven´t given up yet, but it´s a near thing. (Especially since I normally like Dvořák and Grieg better. I can´t concentrate on the whole pieces, either, but by now I know my favourite pieces by heart: Peer Gynt the first part and the New World Symphony.)
I... have no idea why I just wrote that. I´ll go listen to Grieg now, probably.
Oh, and on a sidenote, it´s incredibly useful that English has to different words for "hearing" and "listening". I have no idea how I would express the difference in German.

Comments

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

Wow, what you just described sounds a bit like what I experiences when my mom attempted to teach us meditation!

You focus, you focus-- hmmm? What was I-- oh! Oops.

I wish you luck with your music-listening practice :) I'm sure you'll get there. And I'm impressed! I... don't listen to classical music and have very little musical talent XP

Recorder and guitar and singing! wow &hearts

[schneefink.livejournal.com]

Yes, I guess the problems with meditation would be similar. I always thought meditation would be even more difficult, but then, I never tried. For good reasons, probably...
As for classical music:
Morning Mood (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVbq-7o84jU)
Aase´s Death (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xxjw6ZsHjNU)
Anitra´s Dance (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc9IAE6EXZk)
In the Hall of the Mountain King (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8F1WqqYxac)
The first Peer Gynt suite on youtube. If you want to give it a try :)